Because I'm a wear my heart on my sleeve kinda girl, I feel the need to be honest about my whiny day. I've spent the majority of the day having little "chats" with God about how this journey he has us on sure isn't comfortable! How it would be so much nicer if we had $30k sitting around in the bank and didn't have to fundraise or wonder how the heck we're suppose to come up with the next adoption fee that's due. But I'm realizing more and more that the comfortable way isn't typically the way He works. It seems to me that He uses unlikely situations (or people for that matter) to accomplish His work so that
we can't take the credit, so that
He gets the glory. Because let's just face it, a stay at home mom and a high school history teacher/coach, are not the obvious choice financially to accomplish a 30k task! But that seems right up God's alley for a way to show off what He's capable of! In order for
us to pull this adoption off it's going to require that
we realize this is
His story.
Just when I was about to really give God my piece of mind today about all my fears and insecurities, He gently reminded me that He's got this thing! Remember
Carla? My sister's sweet friend (now my friend too) from college who let me know back in September that she was going to start collecting items to sell and the profit she made, she was going to send to us? Well she emailed me today letting me know that the resale went great and that she was able to make another $72 on top of the $35 she had already sent us! She even wore our shirt at the resale! Here's a gal in North Carolina that is selflessly helping us get yet another step closer to turning in our dossier! If I had that "comfortable" 30k in the bank right now- I'd have missed out on the blessing of Carla's involvement in bringing our babe home!
Remember
Lindsey? She is a dear friend of mine from high school who now lives in AZ and is a photographer. She generously gave of her time and talent for the whole month of September to have 100% of the profit she made from photo sessions to be split between our family and the
O'Neals (another dear friend from high school, who are also adopting). She recently sent us a check for $170 because of her selfless generosity! Over the weekend I got an email from her saying that she had a few last minute requests for more photo shoots to help support the fundraiser! The photo shoot she had just done donated $160 to be split between both our families! Again, simply amazed at who and how God is providing!
Here's the deal... our daily "manna" is being provided. Each step of this adoption journey has been a step of faith and He's yet to let us down! I need to stop whining about being scared and uncomfortable! Thank you ladies for being a reminder of His faithfulness in my life! I'm truly thankful! Joshua and I often joke and say "One day when we're rich (stop laughing) we're totally going to do something super awesome for people like ya'll!" Until then, THANK YOU!!!!
And as far as being comfortable and safe in life... here's a fresh perspective! Check it out:
Hilary:
ReplyDeleteLoved this post. I feel ya! Love it when He helps us to gain perspective again. Take a look at this post from Derek Loux. Derek (who passed about a year or so ago) and his wife Renee, had/have a calling to adopt and have done so numerous times. Here’s a passage he wrote in his blog back in 2008 during the adoption journey of their son, Dimitri…
Two days ago we drove for hours into the Ukrainian countryside to the village where Dimitri was born. We met with officials there and signed papers and answered their questions. We also went and saw Dimitri’s house. The day had been long, we were still recovering from jet lag, I was beginning to really miss my six daughters at home and all the familiar things our fragile human hearts entangle themselves with in feeble attempts to feel secure. Sitting in the dark on our very long drive back to Novograd that night, the Holy Spirit began to whisper to my heart, and new understanding about redemption began to take shape.
I was thinking, “Man, adopting this little boy has been so much work. This is exhausting, expensive, uncomfortable … and it doesn’t feel very rewarding right now.” What am I doing in some little Soviet car in the dark, in the middle of rural Ukraine in frozen December, as the driver dodges cats and potholes? What if Dimitri doesn’t improve at all? What if we get “nothing” out of this? … Ahhh, there it was; that dark, fallen, unreedemed, selfish human love, rooted in the tree of the knowledge of “good and evil”. The love the Greeks called “erao” love. The love where we treat someone as precious and treasured for what we can get out of it. This is unlike “agapeo” love, the God kind of love that treats someone as treasured and precious for their good, not for my good. It’s when I love a person in order to meet their needs, having no expectation of them meeting any of my needs. At a whole new level, God is working His kind of love into my weak heart, and He’s using little Dimitri to do it.
On the drive home that night, the Lord whispered in my ear, “This is Redemption. Derek, do you know how far I traveled to get you and bring you back? I had to be separated from my Son, in order to get you, just like you are separated from your children in order to get these boys. Do you know how expensive it was for Me to purchase you? It cost me everything. Do you know how broken, sick, damaged, twisted, dirty, smelly, and hopeless you were? And at the end of it all, you had nothing to give me or add to me. I did it for you. I emptied myself and became nothing so that you could have it all. This is redemption.
My friends, adoption is redemption. It’s costly, exhausting, expensive, and outrageous. Buying back lives costs so much. When God set out to redeem us, it killed Him. And when He redeems us, we can’t even really appreciate or comprehend it, just like Dimitri will never comprehend or fully appreciate what is about to happen to him … but … he will live in the fruit of it. As his Daddy, I will never expect him to understand all of this or even to thank me. I just want to watch him live in the benefits of my love and experience the joys of being an heir in my family. This is how our heavenly “Papa” feels towards us.
Today, settle your busy heart down and rest in the benefits of redemption. Enjoy the fruits of His goodness, and stop trying to “pay Him back”. You’ll never get close you goofy little kid.
Loved your post! ****If you have an opportunity during your leisure reading, read this article from an adopting dad. Derek (who passed about a year or so ago) and his wife Renee, had/have a calling to adopt and have done so numerous times. Here’s a passage he wrote in his blog back in 2008 during the adoption journey of their son, Dimitri…
ReplyDeleteTwo days ago we drove for hours into the Ukrainian countryside to the village where Dimitri was born. We met with officials there and signed papers and answered their questions. We also went and saw Dimitri’s house. The day had been long, we were still recovering from jet lag, I was beginning to really miss my six daughters at home and all the familiar things our fragile human hearts entangle themselves with in feeble attempts to feel secure. Sitting in the dark on our very long drive back to Novograd that night, the Holy Spirit began to whisper to my heart, and new understanding about redemption began to take shape.
I was thinking, “Man, adopting this little boy has been so much work. This is exhausting, expensive, uncomfortable … and it doesn’t feel very rewarding right now.” What am I doing in some little Soviet car in the dark, in the middle of rural Ukraine in frozen December, as the driver dodges cats and potholes? What if Dimitri doesn’t improve at all? What if we get “nothing” out of this? … Ahhh, there it was; that dark, fallen, unreedemed, selfish human love, rooted in the tree of the knowledge of “good and evil”. The love the Greeks called “erao” love. The love where we treat someone as precious and treasured for what we can get out of it. This is unlike “agapeo” love, the God kind of love that treats someone as treasured and precious for their good, not for my good. It’s when I love a person in order to meet their needs, having no expectation of them meeting any of my needs. At a whole new level, God is working His kind of love into my weak heart, and He’s using little Dimitri to do it.
On the drive home that night, the Lord whispered in my ear, “This is Redemption. Derek, do you know how far I travelled to get you and bring you back? I had to be separated from my Son, in order to get you, just like you are separated from your children in order to get these boys. Do you know how expensive it was for Me to purchase you? It cost me everything. Do you know how broken, sick, damaged, twisted, dirty, smelly, and hopeless you were? And at the end of it all, you had nothing to give me or add to me. I did it for you. I emptied myself and became nothing so that you could have it all. This is redemption.
My friends, adoption is redemption. It’s costly, exhausting, expensive, and outrageous. Buying back lives costs so much. When God set out to redeem us, it killed Him. And when He redeems us, we can’t even really appreciate or comprehend it, just like Dimitri will never comprehend or fully appreciate what is about to happen to him … but … he will live in the fruit of it. As his Daddy, I will never expect him to understand all of this or even to thank me. I just want to watch him live in the benefits of my love and experience the joys of being an heir in my family. This is how our heavenly “Papa” feels towards us.
Today, settle your busy heart down and rest in the benefits of redemption. Enjoy the fruits of His goodness, and stop trying to “pay Him back”. You’ll never get close you goofy little kid.
Joshua and Hillary,
ReplyDeleteMy wife and I are right there with you! We also are adopting from Ethiopia using AGCI. We also are fundraising like mad to cover the $30k+ costs. We also see God's amazing providence in calling us to adopt and his grace to bring so many around us to help. Thanks for being transparent and sharing your struggles.
In Christ,
Chris and Nicole O'Meara
Blog: omearasplusone.blogspot.com
Thank you for posting this video. It's just what I needed to hear today.
ReplyDeleteI love reading your stories of how God provides! He is The Provider!!
Lindsey
almcrock.blogspot.com