Monday, May 16, 2011

Letting go of my contingencies

We received our monthly email from our case worker, K, late last week with our new official May wait list number.... #38!!! I'm glad to be in the 30's and will be even more glad to be in the 20's and then the teens! Well if I'm going down that road, heck... I'm ready for a referral call TODAY, but I'm hanging on His perfect timing of it all and I trust that #38 is exactly where we're suppose to be for this month! But notice all those Africa's flipped over to hearts?!?! Each one represents a child's life that has been forever changed and given a forever family! Each heart is one less orphan in the Ethiopia! It truly helps keep things in perspective for me, to know that while we wait, God is at work, giving kiddo's mommy's and daddy's and one day it will be Isa's turn- but until then, there is work to be done! Praise God for all those hearts! (On a side note, there are only three more numbers on the bottom line to flip and I'm so ready to tackle the top row of numbers! It'll just make me feel more accomplished for some reason! Come on June numbers... be in the low 30's!!!)

I made an exciting purchase for Isa's room the other day of a canvas world map that I had been eyeing for months from IKEA. I'd like to thank Izzy (the dog/pony from across the street) for this purchase, because I was able to save up my dog sitting money to buy this bad boy! We're going with a map/globe/Africa theme for Isa's room and I thought this piece was perfect to center everything around for the "look" that we're going for! It was a total bonus too that it ended up matching the wall color because I painted Isa's room awhile back with this random "oops paint color"at Home Depot (which, P.S. I would highly recommend to anyone to save a good chunk of money on paint if you're not super particular about the color you're going for! Just look on the backside of the paint counter and there will be all the paint that's already been mixed and for one reason or another someone didn't want it. So I paid $5 for a premixed kaki color gallon of Behr Primer Plus when normally it's like $25-$30 a gallon!). Voila! It matched! Once we get the computer out of his room and fill it with his furniture, I think it'll really pop off the wall and look cool!

Oh, I've totally been meaning to share about an awesome/nerve racking opportunity Joshua and I had a couple weeks ago! We were approached by our church and asked to share a little bit of our story at the quarterly Partnership Meeting (it's similar to a membership meeting). Now you see, while this may not be a big deal to most, to me... I am genuinely scared to death to talk in front of people!  Small groups of like 10-15 people, I can handle- but like 100 plus people.... TERRIFIED!  So when Joshua came to me and cautiously informed me that we were asked to do this, I think I literally froze in my chair- knowing that my answer should be an enthusiastic yes, but  feeling the fear creep up inside of me and scream no way! Here's the deal, I genuinely WANT to share all that God is doing in our lives- and I WANT to take advantage of opportunities just like this- but my flesh looks at a crowed of people, a stage, and microphone and cringes! That being said, I heard this whisper reminding me that God has been showing me over and over again that He likes my dependency in Him, especially when I'm feeling inadequate, so I took a deep breath and told Joshua to tell them "Yep, we'll do it!". We had a week to prepare (or stress, however you look at it), and I can't tell you how many times I looked at Joshua and said, "Seriously?! You're not nervous at all?!?!" (I guess it's a perk to being a teacher, you get plenty of practice speaking in front of people) It's like it almost annoyed me that he wasn't feeling what I was feeling, apparently misery loves company! Oh but I could hardly imagine what I would have done had he been equally as scared... at the same time I was annoyed, I was so grateful for his confidence, he couldn't win! To make a long story short, when the church asked Joshua if we would share, they mentioned that I could read a blog post if I wanted. Well, ding! ding! ding!... that sounded great to me! Less chance of me completely drawing a blank and having the dreaded long awkward silence! So, I jumped all over that option and let Joshua do the free-style talking! (My focus then became making it up the stage stairs without tripping- and I'll have you folks know- I made it, both up and down the stairs! Wahoo!) Here's the deal- at the end of the night, even though I kept my eyes glued to the paper, and probably talked too fast, and no doubt made speech teachers shake their heads in frustration, GOD STILL SHOWED UP! God was able to use scared, nervous, inadequate Hilary, and make HIS name known! It may not have been pretty- but I'm learning to let go of the contingencies I want to put on how God can and will use my life! If I truly say, my life is yours God, use it... then that means even when I'm scared, uncomfortable, and nervous- USE MY LIFE GOD, IT'S YOURS!  I'm so grateful that I didn't let fear rule my decision and miss out on the humbling opportunity to share with other's all the amazing ways God is working in our lives! I refuse to let fear get in the way of what God can do in and through my life! How about you?

My sister played me this song over a month ago and I loved it- and ever since then I feel like every time I'm in the car it comes on the radio and then today they played it at church! The lyrics to this song shout where my heart is right now!


  1. I can totally relate Hilary! Every year our church has a couple moms speak on Mother's Day sharing how faith impacts their mothering. I was asked to speak this year and I was terrified!! I can speak in front of a class of kiddos all day long but adults..eeek! But I prayed and really felt the Lord nudging me and reminding me that this was a perfect opportunity to share what He is doing in our family and with our adoption. It was so humbling and truly an honor and I can only give Him the credit because I know I couldn't have done any of it on my own! So thankful His power is made perfect through our weakness! Praying you hit the top 20's by June!!!

  2. Yahoo!! #38! praying things go quickly! Sooo excited for your trip to Uganda too! God is doing major things in our little town!


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