Toughest Day in Uganda

Our second day in Uganda proved to be the hardest for me emotionally. It's tough now for me to even go back there in my mind and relive it. I'm immediately flooded with images, sounds, and smells that will haunt me forever. I knew this day would be hard. I knew it would require me to lean not on my own understanding, but on God's truth and strength. I knew it would shake me up and break my heart, and it certainly did all these things and more! BUT what I didn't know was how this day would reveal ugly parts of my heart and require love that was far bigger than what I had to offer. I didn't know that God was going to reveal Himself to me through a whisper that was almost so quite I missed it. And I most certainty didn't know that my agenda for the day and God's agenda for the day looked so drastically different.

Rewind with me a bit and you'll see that God had been preparing me for this day since February 5th, 2011 when I was first made aware of the plight of the imprisoned children in Uganda. I watched a documentary at an adoption retreat that revealed a disturbing reality of injustice and heartache that gripped me.  Images of wrongly confined children living in conditions that were unimaginable left tears streaming down my face (and a large pile of snotty tissues too!). I knew God had opened my eyes to this situation for a reason, I just didn't know how the heck I was suppose to respond?! I returned home from the retreat broken yet determined to do something about the uneasiness in my soul! The injustice of it all made me sick to my stomach and kept me awake at night.  My mind quickly began racing with sales pitch ideas of how I could get my church on board with investing in the ministries that were pouring into this remand center. I knew our church had recently made the decision to focus our attention on Uganda and had already taken one mission trip there, so I thought to myself, "There's hope! Maybe if I'm persuasive enough, they'll at least watch the documentary and consider going to this facility!?" Well... silly me didn't consider the fact that God didn't need "Sales Pitch Hilary" at all to accomplish His work! In fact, He had ALREADY been at work and I just didn't know it! You can only imagine my astonishment/relief/excitement when I found out that our church was ALREADY plugged into this facility and unbeknownst to me, had JUST visited it the month before on their first visionary trip in January 2011! How cool is that?!  I was beyond thrilled to find out that I wasn't going to have to jump any hurdles to get our Compassion Ministry equally as passionate about investing in these vulnerable children!  Isn't it just like God to pave the way!?! In fact, I found out our church would be heading back to Uganda and visiting this remand center that July 2011! 

Okay, so with that marked off my list of things to tackle, I decided to focus my attention on sharing with others what had impacted me. I hosted a little viewing of the documentary later that month, (February 17th to be exact) to a group of 15-20 friends and family at my sisters house. Following that, in the month of April, I focused my efforts towards selling cupcakes at Joshua's school as a fundraiser for one of the amazing ministries that serves these imprisoned children. At the end of April, Joshua and I earnestly prayed and made the decision for him to go on the July mission trip with the team. Long story short...  He went. He loved it. He came home a changed man. He told me there was no way I could miss the next trip. There you have it.

Flash forward to February 23rd, 2012, our second full day in Uganda, I found myself standing on a dusty red dirt road in front of the rundown, paint chipped building with barred windows that's image had been burned in my mind almost exactly one year prior... SURREAL!  As our team slowly walked in and soaked in the scene around us I immediately knew that I was going to have to "check out" in a sense, just to be able to function that day emotionally. There's really no adequate way to describe the immediate feeling of defeat and darkness that comes over you as you enter a place like this. The presence of the guards was very obvious and heavy that day. They seemed to make their power known by just a look in their eye and the stories we heard would confirm that instilling fear and physical abuse as punishment is a tactic they use quite often.  There is much I could share about this day, and maybe in time I will, but for now I want to share just one story from the day that forever impacted me.

After we finished up an incredibly moving time of worship and bible teaching with the kids (yes, these children worship God despite their undeserving circumstances! They have an unshakable faith that I have much to learn from, that enables them to lift their hands towards heaven and find hope and joy in the midst of unspeakable sorrow!) We headed outside to hang out with the children and play and talk and get to know them in hopes of showing them Christ's love in some way. Although after having worshiped with them, I can confidently say that they know who Jesus is and they showed me His face that day!

I went up to a group of girls that were gathered in a circle chatting. I've always had a special place in my heart for teen girls and it just seemed natural to approach them. I could feel myself start to smile as I neared them. The remand center is mostly made up of boys, so out of the 100+ kids there that day, I would say there were only about 15 girls total. The number of children is constantly changing depending on how many street kids are getting dropped off on any given day. (They've had upwards of 300+ street kids dropped off in one days time when an "important" government official is coming into town and they need to "clean up the street"- sigh!). Anyway, I approached the girls and started chit chatting with them about how pretty I thought they were. They proceeded to ask me my age, to which I reluctantly told them I was thirty one. They started laughing at me and said, "You're 31!!! (Apparently 31 is way OLD from their perspective and it probably was from my perspective too when I was their age, but my idea of what's "old" keeps getting higher and higher each birthday I have!). What they said following made me feel better though, "We can't believe you're 31! We thought you were like 20 something!" To which I replied, "See, I love you girls already! You're so smart!" and instantly the walls were down and connections were established. I vividly remember the thought coming to me while standing there to ask them if they wanted to share their story with me. Joshua and I had read a autobiography, Passport Through Darkness, several months earlier, and the author talked about how the people she ministered to in the Sudan just wanted to share their story with someone who cared. They wanted to know their life mattered. And so I stepped out on a limb and boldly asked the group of girls if anyone wanted to share their story. Immediately one of the older girls who seemed to be the "ring leader" in a sense, we'll call her "G",  quickly chimed in and said, "You want to know my story? I will tell you. It's long though." I told her that I had time. She said, "Follow me" and motioned for me to follow her up a set of stairs that lead to a low concrete wall where she sat down and began patting the spot next to her for me to sit. All the other girls had tagged along and were standing there with us, as if waiting their turn to share their story, and "G" politely looked each girl square in the eye and proceeded to point her finger and each one and say, "Privacy, Privacy, Privacy" as she went down the line. Each girl seemed to understand and ran along. I wondered if they don't even share their stories with each other?

And so began the one on one conversation that I thought was God's agenda for the day. I mean it made sense to me? Surely God had me in this exact moment to hear the cries of this precious 17 year old girl, "G"! Surely His plan was for me to let her know I loved her, that she was valued, and that He had not forgotten about her! I'm not ready to share the details of her story here right now, out of fear I may not do her life story justice. But rest assured, this conversation shook me to my core, and broke my heart in two! Here was an articulate, beautiful, vibrant girl... who in her short 17 years had experienced fear, hurt, and abandonment on levels I couldn't even wrap my mind around! As she shared her story she presented herself as strong and determined, yet loosing hope being stuck in this hellish place. Her only request when I asked what I could pray for, was that she would be able to go to school and get an education. Education in Uganda equals hope and most the time, the only way out. 

Meanwhile, I was keenly aware throughout our conversation that we were being eyed by one of the guards. Her manipulative glances made it very clear that she wanted "G" to know she was keeping an eye on her. My biggest fear was that I would innocently do something that would get one of the kids in trouble and cause them to "pay" after we left.  So as the guard looked away for a minute I whispered to "G", "Is it okay that we're talking, are you going to get in trouble for this later?" With her head held down, she quietly said, "It's fine." Right about that time I saw the guard strolling our way. My heart sunk and I took a deep breath. She approached with an arrogance about her that instantly surfaced feelings of anger inside of me for her. She proceeded to put her hand on "G's" knee and eerily say, "Daughter, daughter, daughter.... So, what are you ladies talking about today?" I immediately felt sick to my stomach and truly felt as though we were in the presence of darkness. In hopes of shielding "G" from being put in a compromising situation, I did my best to steer the conversation away from her. I told the guard that I had loved being in Uganda so far and that it was a beautiful country, to which she laughed and told me, "Ha! Uganda is NOT beautiful, Uganda is HARD!"... from this point on she proceeded to manipulate and take over the conversation, forcing "G" to actually get up and walk away. She began asking me all sorts of questions about America and saying things like, "Hypothetically, if someone like you Hilary, in America wanted to help someone like me here in Uganda by sending my children to school, you could do that, yes?"... I politely tried to inform her that no, I couldn't do that. She just kept pushing the question determined to get a different response from me, informing me of this little thing called "Western Union" and that she does KNOW in fact that I could send her money that way! (Ugh! Just retyping parts of this conversation make me sick to my stomach all over again!) Talk about being in the most uncomfortable situation EVER!  I wanted to run. I HATED this lady! I knew that she mistreated the children, I knew that she was mean, and I knew that she was my "enemy". The entire time she was talking all I kept thinking was, "She is getting in the way of God's plan! She is ruining God's purpose here today! Where is "G".... she's why I'm here!". I searched for ways to get out of this conversation, I physically got up and walked away from her... she followed. I frantically gave looks of "Help Me!" to my other team members- but for one reason or another, it wasn't happening, I was stuck! Another thirty minutes or so of this incredibly frustrating conversation went on.

And then it happened. God whispered. Ever so quietly, I heard Him. My emotions of bitterness and hate were screaming inside my head, but somehow the Holy Spirit was able to shout His whisper just loud enough to drowned out "Hilary" for a split second. Much to my disliking I heard this little voice say, "SHE IS MY AGENDA, SHE IS MY PLAN FOR TODAY!" 

(Here is where the ugliness of my heart was revealed and where God's beautiful agenda took over...)

"What?! NO WAY!!!! She doesn't deserve your love God! She is horrible! I can't do this! I won't do this!" A defiant anger rose up within me to ignore His whisper and continue listening to the shouts of hate in my head. I can't recall another time in my life where I ever have felt such ugliness toward an individual and an indifference to their life circumstances and their eternity. I'm just being honest, I know it's not pretty. But knowing what I knew about her, I just didn't have it in me to show an ounce of compassion or love for this lady! 

And then I heard the whisper again, "YOU INVITED ME HERE TODAY, I CAN DO THIS!"

Almost instantly an unexplainable certainty came over me. A peace in my soul that God was about to take over this conversation. I just needed to get out of the way! I needed to surrender my anger, my agenda,  and my hatred and let God's love shine, even when I couldn't muster it up on my own!

That's the beauty of the power of the Holy Spirit folks! Paul talks about it in Galatians as the "Mystery of the Gospel"- and in that exact moment, it was as if the veil of this mystery was lifted off my eyes and I KNEW, as a believer in Jesus Christ, HE COULD DO THIS through sinful ole' me! (Romans 8, good stuff!)

 I've gotta be honest here in saying the conversation from here gets a bit blurry in my head because quite honestly, the words coming out of my mouth were not my own! Pretty much the gist of it went something like this...

"Here's the deal guards name, I'm not going to be able to send your kids to school or send you money, and I'm sorry that you'll probably never understand that because it appears that I should obviously be able help you. BUT I can do something better for you!" 

She quickly became super interested in what I had to say, "What's that?!"

"I can pray for you! I KNOW as a mother, there is probably nothing you want more than to have your children grow up and know Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior, and I KNOW you probably desire for them to grow into healthy and happy adults who make a difference in the world! So I will commit to pray that for you. And I'll even go a step further and commit to pray for you HERE in this job. I can only imagine that it's hard and you feel under-appreciated and under-paid, but I KNOW that deep down you must know what an honor it is that you've been intrusted with this position that enables you to make life-changing impacts on these children. I KNOW that surely you want to show these children the love of Christ and have them walk out of this place one day saying, "Yes, I lived at a place that might have been hell on earth, but guards name showed me Jesus, she showed me love, she gave me hope, she believed in me!" I KNOW surely you want that! I KNOW that you recognize the responsibility God has given you to care for these fatherless children, HIS children. And so I can only imagine that you need prayer?! And I can do that, I can commit to that! Can I pray for you right now guards name?!"

A look of complete bewilderment was on her face as she nodded and quietly said, "Sure". It was the first time she was silent and had nothing more to say since she had approached me 30-40 earlier! I'm just sayin', there is power in the name of Jesus to silence people! (o; 

And then I prayed for her. And I haven't stopped praying for her EVERY DAY since Feb 23rd! I pray God's truth overwhelms her and His love radically transforms her! I pray that she is light in the darkness there and that she never lays a hand on any children there ever again! She could be exactly what turns this place around! I have to hope that God can restore her and use her and that He is able to accomplish far more than I can imagine! 

Just as a cool side note... in the midst of my little "God interrupted conversation" with this guard, a storm was brewing. Dark nasty clouds started swirling overhead and we were about to get nailed. It was a bit eery as I felt like there was an actual spiritual battle of good vs evil going on- but I'm sure it's just coincidental. Regardless, just as I was finishing up and praying for her the wind kicked up pretty strong and sent everyone running to get inside and our team to get back on the bus. As I closed the prayer with "In the Name of Jesus Christ, Amen".... it was clear that our conversation was going to be over given the impending downpour. I have to think it might just have been God's way of getting the last word. She wasn't able to say anything as I ran away to get back on our bus, and my prayer is that those words "In the Name of Jesus Christ" have lingered in her heart!

As for "G"... oh sweet "G", I think of this girl and pray for her every day too! As I got on the bus, all in a tizzy from my crazy encounter,  I glanced out the window to my right and there she was trying to get my attention!  My heart skipped with joy because God let me say goodbye to her when I thought the opportunity was gone. I was quickly able to tell her that I would not forget her and to hold out hope. I was able to make her a promise that I would follow up with a certain individual who is fighting to get "G" out of there with a sponsorship to school. And I was able to look into her eyes one last time and see a glimmer of hope still left. Pray for her, please!

I don't know JACK!

 

Well, it turns out I'm a "processor"... I never knew this about myself, but I've discovered this to be true since returning from Uganda almost three weeks ago. I'm overwhelmed right now just trying to figure out where to begin in writing this post! I'm utterly aware of the fact that there is no way in words I'm going to adequately sum up my experience and all that God has opened my eyes and heart to! This same feeling of, "Where the heck do I begin?!" floods my head when someone nonchalantly asks me, "Oh hey, how was your trip?!"... I want to respond, "Well, you gotta an hour, or two?!"... because there is just no quick way to wrap up this life changing experience... and let's face it, the majority of people are asking for the quick version.  Oh how it makes me grateful for the few who really want to know the stories, who really want to know the names, who really want to take the time, who really want to know the heartbreak and joy that consumes my thoughts each and every day since returning! To those who have listened, I have cherished those meaningful conversations more than I you know, as they truly are what has helped me process through it all! My gratitude runs deep!  Don't get me wrong, I'm grateful for all who have asked, even if only to be polite, it's just that my eyes have seen things and my heart has felt things that have rocked me to my core, so I can't possibly sum up all that is churning inside me in a 20 second response. I only wish everyone could go and see and hear and feel and smell what I've been privileged to, then you'd understand. I'm changed. Uganda changed me. So, instead of putting this pressure on myself to cram all my thoughts into one post, I think I'm gonna ease into this and do several posts as I process through it all. For today, here is what is heavy on my heart...

I walked away from Uganda realizing that I don't know jack! I don't know jack about the cultural gap that exists between us, especially in regards to marriages, parenting, education, and work! I don't know jack about the hurt that comes with the gut wrenching stories that hide behind the sweet faces we met! I don't know jack about solutions to corrupt government policies! I don't know jack about the despair that comes with constant hunger, wondering where your next meal will come from! I don't know jack about any of this because my life is so far removed from these issues! (And for the record, I don't want my life to be so far removed, I want to close in this gap of understanding!) But the truth is, because of our drastically different lifestyles, I found myself completely stripped of anything and everything I thought I had to offer! I had no solutions, I had no wisdom, and I definitely had no grounds for even pretending to understand the difficulties they face each and every day! This left me feeling pretty inadequate, vulnerable, and overwhelmed. This left me exactly where God wanted me, with NOTHING to offer BUT HIS LOVE AND HIS TRUTH! The best part about God's love and His truth is... it trumps all culture! (thank you Mama Bishop for reminding me of that!) So while I don't know jack about a whole heckava lot... there is true freedom found in the realization that God's love fills in the giant gap of my understanding! Sometimes it's the only solid ground there is to stand on! 

1 Corinthians 13:13 "Three things will last forever--faith, hope, and love--and the greatest of these is LOVE."

Revealing

My blogging life stinks right now! I hear this nagging little voice in my head whispering, "Sheesh Hil (this whispering voice also substitutes my name with "slacker"), sure has been a while since you last posted anything! Don't you think it's about time for a deep heart-felt post?! After all, as everyone knows, your blogging consistency and substance measure where you're at spiritually!!!" Ha! Thank goodness that's not true! Regardless this nagging whisper leaves me with a defeated sigh and shrug of the shoulders because while I'd love to spend each week knocking out a post on all the thoughts God is stirring in my heart and the ways at which I see Him at work right now, the truth is, life is busy! Rest assured, God is good, and He's at work... even when the posts are far and few between! 

I've been busy preparing and planning for the sections I'll be teaching the Ugandan women at the conference we're hosting with Hessed International the second week we're in Uganda. So it turns out, no surprise here, "teaching" is NOT one of my spiritual gifts. This has forced required me to really immerse myself (more than the average person probably) into the material and scripture I'll be teaching in order to be prepared. Initially this desperate hope to soak in every ounce of knowledge related to "Marriage Building Strategies"(the topic I'm covering) was rooted in the mere fact that I didn't want to look like a complete buffoon in front of this group of women. Fear. It's gripping. But in classic God fashion, He has used my frenzied, fear driven, study habits, to gently reveal more of who He is to me. 

For instance.... He has used this time to remind me that I will NEVER stop learning! It is a foolish thing for me to assume that I know all I need to know on a certain topic... marriage building strategies for instance! As I read (and re-read) and digest all the material I'm covering I continually find myself awakened to new perspectives and to different attributes of Christ that I had yet to discover! So while my initial motive in digging deep into this material was so that I looked all prepared and rock-star teacher-like, God has used this time to nudge me and gently say, "I still have things to teach YOU too Hilary!". So when it comes to communication, conflict, prayer, and romance in the context of marriage... just know, I'm no pro! (o; 

God has also used this time of preparation to expose more of how He has uniquely created me.  It all started with me realizing that I repeatedly kept turning to Joshua in the middle of studying and would rattle off a list of insecure questions..."You're teacher, how the heck do I do this?! How would you present this? Would you use an outline? Should I just do it lecture style like you do? If only they had powerpoint in Africa, you could totally help me make an awesome powerpoint presentation to get this idea across, right?! Huh, huh, huh?!?!". Annoying right?! Thankfully I have a patient husband! Here's the deal, it doesn't flippin' matter how Joshua, my amazing teacher husband, would do it!!! What matters is how God wants ME to do it! So that has left me on my knees, begging for God to reveal how He can best use ME to convey what HE knows these women need to hear. He knows the way I'm wired and He knows the best way I communicate with people- heck He created me! So instead of trying to take on someone else's teaching style, I'm just asking God to use the way He made me to most effectively stir the hearts of the women there. And you know what? He's doing just that, revealing little features about my personality that I am confident in and teaching ideas are coming to mind that line up with that! I absolutely LOVE that we serve a God who uses each of our strengths and weaknesses in different ways! The peace that has come in truly soaking in this realization, is freeing! He keeps reiterating that what's most important is that I'm willing to be used. May I be your hands and feet and voice God! 

Before I wrap this post up, I could for sure use any and all prayers that I would remember to talk sssslooow! I talk fast to begin with and when I'm nervous, I shift into hyper mode- I can just see the blank stares of confusion now! Yes they speak english in Uganda, but our accents are so different, no doubt there is a bit of a language barrier. Seriously, when Joshua came home from Uganda this past time and we were watching all his video footage, we were like 5 minutes into it before I said, "Oh! Wait, are they speaking english!?!"... it's a thick accent folks! So I'm guessing they think ours sounds funny too! All that to say, I need to talk slow and I need prayers! (o; 

Listen to the beautiful voices of Uganda in this video from when Joshua visited Amazima back in July! 

Uganda Prep Time

In less than 4 weeks I'll be on a plane... Uganda bound! Woot Woot! The excitement is building and the prep work is under way! This past weekend the entire Uganda team was able to get away for 24 hours for a time of planning and team building.

(Side note: bare with me on this little tangent... ) While some of you might cringe at the thought of "team building" and roll your eyes to cheesy ice breakers, I'll have you know- I LOVE IT and truth be told,  deep down I wish every social situation in life required people to be silly and get uncomfortable for the sake of breaking down the ridiculous walls we have up in our lives! You see, this passion I have for team building is in my blood, it's inevitable when you work at a camp for 5 years! I mean, think about it, day in and day out, I was surrounded with people playing goofy games that had awesome names like "Giants, Dwarfs, and Wizards" and "Mosquito Tag", and "The Borg", along with "Rapid Fire"(my favorite, I might add!), and "Lilly Pad Landing" and the ever so popular "Chubby Bunny"! Oh and don't even get me started about the fun we can have with trust falls, and blind hikes, and the spider web! Makes me smile just thinkin' about it! (Oh how my inner-dork is shining through right now!)

Okay, I'm back! Thanks for sticking with me, back to this weekend! As you might have guessed, my heart was happy because Friday evening consisted of "get to know you" games, and a team building exercise!

We went around the table taking turns reading random and funny facts about one another that each of us had turned in prior to the retreat. We had to guess who said what. I'm always amazed at the things I learn about people and I'm even more amazed at how quirky people are! From one person's favorite childhood food being the school's cafeteria salisbury steak to another person who has a deathly fear of velvet/velour?! Gotta love it!

Team building exercise: We were each given a role to play, and our objective was to get from one house to the other where our "safe zone" was in under 20 minutes. My "role" was that I had no legs, obviously unable to walk, but I couldn't mention that I had no legs to anyone. If any of us mentioned what our role/aliment was, then we had to start all over. The group consisted of someone who was blind, someone with with no arms, someone who had paralyzing panic attacks, someone who was deaf, a nay-sayer, someone who fainted every time the nay-sayer disagreed with the group, an 85 year old who was only able to say "huh, I didn't hear you", and a headstrong leader who told others what to do and thinks they're always right. Well... you can only imagine how difficult communication was given our aliments! Hence me getting dropped by Carrie here because she had to faint while carrying me because Nancy, the nay-sayer, disagreed with our plan of action!

So here I'm rethinking how in the world I'm going to get someone to carry me all the way over to the other house! Notice  Nancy, the nay-sayer yelling, "No! This is not a good idea!" She played the role well! As we started to figure out everyone's roles based on their behavior, we were able to communicate a little better- but it wasn't very pretty, that's for sure!

This is the oh so eloquent "hand off" of legless Hilary... to the blind man, mind you! Yes folks, that's right- after much deliberation it was determined that the only one strong enough that was able to carry me was the BLIND guy! He had to have his eyes closed the entire time and carry me outside, in the dark, along an uneven stone walkway! Talk about nerve racking! Shawn (blind guy), you most definitely got your work out for the night! Sorry I ate so much for dinner, that had to have added a pound or two! (o;

I made sure the others kept Shawn (blind guy) on the path! But quite honestly, I'm not sure the others were of much help considering (Brett, to my right) had no arms and couldn't catch me if I fell, (Bekah to my left) was getting more scared with every step leading to a full blown panic attack, (Nancy, behind me) disagreeing with every word spoken, and (Jeff, behind me) was just busy bossing us all around. I'm glad to announce that we did in fact make it to our "safe zone" all alive and uninjured! And I'm pretty sure we're all closer for it!

Saturday consisted of quality time digging into the material we'll be teaching while in Uganda for the conference that we're hosting for Hessed International's Ugandan pastors and their wives.  The ladies from our team will be teaching on marriage (my section is on Successful Marriage-Building Strategies- Joshua particularly likes the chapter I teach on "Keeping Your Romance Alive"... such a guy!) and we're also teaching on Health and Hygiene (lot's of talk about germs and how they're spread & ways to conserve water). We were able to run through teaching our topic and get feedback from the group, which resulted in the unanimous decision that I talk too fast and need to slow down! (No surprise there!) But it was good to get a feel for how we want to present our lessons and hash through any questions we might have.

My favorite part about Saturday though was when we all shared our life stories with the group. Each of us went around the circle and vulnerably and honestly shared about how God had transformed our lives! There is something incredibly powerful about the testimony of 9 people, all from different walks of life, sharing the common thread of God rescuing us from our sinful self and witnessing the beauty that comes from His redeeming love! I am so honored to be going to Africa with this incredible group of imperfect people, who are desperately seeking God's story for their life! There is no doubt that God has woven this team together for His purposes, all with our different strengths and weaknesses to accomplish His work while we're in Uganda!


I'm so stinking grateful for our team leaders who put their precious time and effort into making this weekend happen.  Thank you for realizing the importance in getting away, even just for 24 hours, to establish team unity! Thank you to the rest of the team for showing up with open hearts and sharing the same passion for loving God and loving others! This trip... it's gonna be good!

Meet Crystal

 

Meet Crystal. I've been lucky enough to call this gal my friend for the past 9 years! Flash back to the summer of 2003 and Crystal and I both were working at Doe River Gorge on summer staff.  I was the head lifeguard and Crystal helped train the high adventure staff.  What a great summer that was! So many memories were built and so many friendships established that would last a lifetime (I'd like to add, it's also the summer I met the love of my life, "Shua", as the staff referred to him. Uhm yeah, I stick with Joshua, "Shua" sounds like sneeze if you ask me! Don't you agree?! Sorry, never been a fan of this nickname!) Anyway, almost immediately Crys and I hit it off (that line sounds like something cheesy you would say after a first date, but hear me out...). You know what I mean, when you first meet someone and you think to yourself, "Yep, I like this person, they're cool and down to earth, I can totally see us as good friends". Because for goodness sakes, we all know there are those crazy encounters with others where you think to yourself, "Uhm, yeah, not so much! I'm steering clear of this one! CrAzY!". Well, that summer really laid the foundation of Crystal and I's friendship, we both grew spiritually from the work God was doing in hearts and were able to challenge each other as God refined us both in unique ways. 

Summer 2003 (Lauren, Myself, Crystal and Joshua)

Right after the summer of '03, five of us girls from Doe River decided to move into together, and so, the infamous blue house known as the "Girl's House" was established! Our beloved old blue house (that quite honestly was somewhat on a sketch street, with two rundown trailers on either side and a scary basement infested with spider crickets), became the house where treasured conversations, genuine fellowship, honest accountability, and lots of laughter took place! I look at the picture of this house and a flood of amazing memories come back that I will cherish forever! Kinda makes me tear up a bit. (o:

The Girls House

Crazy pajama dance parties were held in this house where I was able to show off my amazing dance skills (it's true). Many a meaningful conversations were had while sitting Indian style on the kitchen counter drinking coffee. A constant parade of fun people came in and out of our front door every day of the week, it was like Grand Central Station. One was never lonely at the girls house, that's for sure! The five of us girls each brought something unique to the table, all with very different personalities, but with the common thread of loving Jesus, and you know what?... Amazingly.... it worked! We all got along great! I could do a post on each one of these gals and how they have impacted my life in a profound way! Truly I cherish my time living with these ladies! Crys, Bug, Hopie, and Lala (Rach too, our honorary "original girls house girl")... I miss you dearly and love you so much!

All of us girls hiking in Gatlinburg (Crys, Myself, Bug, Hopie and Lala)

Crystal and I shared the downstairs master bedroom which lead to many late night chats! I can't tell you how many times a night we would whisper in the dark, "Okay, for real, this time we HAVE to go to sleep!" only to hear two minutes later, "Oh! One more thing, you'll never believe what happened today!....." We'd inevitably get the giggles from being in that crazy tired delirious stage and find ourselves exhausted come morning time! It was worth it! (o;

Joshua and I were dating while I lived at the Girls House so the girls had a front row seat as Joshua and I's relationship unfolded. Crystal was there through it all, providing encouragement, a listening ear, and giddiness when needed! Truly, I think God knew exactly what He was doing by placing me in the center of four other girls who were solid believers while Joshua and I dated. It proved to be an incredible accountability that kept Joshua and I's relationship strong and pure. So it should come as no surprise that all the girls stood by my side as my bridesmaids at our wedding! Best day of my life, hands down!

So grateful to have these girls be in my wedding!

After Joshua and I got married, you'd assume that the dynamics of Crystal and I's friendship changed a bit, just due to me no longer living at the girls house and me navigating my way through being a newlywed, but honestly, it didn't! Regardless of being in different phases of our lives though, she was still my "go to gal" and best friend. Over the years our friendship just continued to grow and an unspoken comfort level between the two of us developed. I never worried that if I hadn't gotten around to calling her in a while that she would be upset, and she didn't worry either- we both understood that life has crazy seasons. But when we would catch up, it was such a refreshing conversation and we'd always pick up exactly where we left off.

Skip forward to 2007... Joshua and I had moved from TN to TX and our little Jude man was 4 months old. Crystal was getting married! There is a long story to how God reunited Crystal and Brandon... that will have to wait until another day- but for now, just know this was a day I didn't want to miss! Many nights at the girls house several years prior were spent talking about Brandon and how he was the "standard" of a quality guy in Crystal's life, and if only she could marry him someday! I have to wonder if God tuned into our little talks and smirked, knowing all too well that in fact one day she would marry this man! I had the honor of standing in her wedding as a bridesmaid as well (great motivation to bust butt and try and loose the baby weight I might add!). 

Crystal's wedding- former girls house girls

Little Jude on my hip

Okay, so I'm going to jump ahead again... Summer of 2010, Brandon and Crystal sold all their belongings, packed up, and faithfully stepped out into uncharted territory, moving to Bangkok, Thailand with a team of others from their church as missionaries. God has used them in mighty ways to accomplish His work in showing Christ's love to the Thai people! Truth be told, it's been bitter sweet for me to have her go. I couldn't be more proud of her for courageously trusting the Lord as they GO and serve! Yet, I miss her dearly! Five months ago they had a precious baby boy, Tobin, and I couldn't play the role of a best friend and be there to meet him right away. There have been numerous times that I've reached for the phone to call her and share something that is heavy on my heart, only to quickly realize it's 1am in Thailand, boo! The hurdles of communication have proved to be tough! Regardless of the challenges that come with being on opposite sides of the world,  we've both earnestly been praying for the work God is doing in both our families lives.

Joshua and I made a trip to TN before Crys and Brandon moved to Thailand and this is me helping her pack her entire life into two duffel bags!

It would be an understatement to say that both our families over the past 2 years have been living quite the adventure! Between them being in Thailand and having a baby to us in the midst of our adoption and trips to Africa, God sure has been writing some fun stories! So you can only imagine what a joy it was to have them come and visit us this past week and soak in their company catching up on all the goodness God has been up to! After all, there's nothing sweeter than spending time with your best friend and snuggling her precious 5 month old baby boy! 

Took this pic of adorable Tobin while they were here. Oh how I miss snuggles with this boy already! I could eat him up!

 Of course my prayer is that one day maybe God's ultimate plan is for both our stories to intersect and we could all be doing ministry together! But for now, God has us in two different places, and I have peace about that. Here's the deal, even if we are always on opposite sides of the world, but we're desperately seeking God's face, and we're serving Him, I am grateful. I am grateful for the fellowship of a sister in Christ, even from afar, that I know "gets me" and shares the same passion I do. I'm grateful too because I know our friendship is a gift from God.

So you get the gist... our friendship has history. Our friendship has shared monumental life moments. Our friendship has vulnerability and honesty. Most importantly, our friendship has Christ at the center and we share the same desire to seek God's story for our lives. Good stuff.

I walked away from our week long visit and couldn't help but think "This is exactly what God means when He talks about the body of Christ!" It's important folks! This journey of being obedient to GO and DO all that God calls us to is tough, and doing it on your own is near impossible! We were created for fellowship, hardwired for community. If you don't have this in your life, might I encourage you to seek it out. Pray for it. I promise God will bless you!

Thanks Crystal for the blessing of your friendship in my life! My prayers are with you, Brandon and Tobin as you head back to Thailand- I know God has BIG things in store for you! I'm so proud of you! 

If you're interested in supporting Brandon and Crystal in Thailand (they raise their monthly support), check out their blog HERE!

2 Night Cabin Getaway = Helping the Uganda Team!

So, here's the scoop... in 20 days just over $3050 towards my Uganda trip was provided in classic God fashion! Crazy goodness, right? Fully funded for the trip, shaking my head in awe, simply amazed kind of goodness! If you recall, on my "why I'm hesitant to go to Uganda" list I had conjured up in my head before committing to go on the trip, I had "FUNDS" smack dab at the top of the list! Oh ye of little faith, don't I just look like a goober now!?! Clearly MY concerns are NOT God's concerns! He has striped away every single hesitation on my list!  (Which just goes to show the importance in bringing your fears, concerns, and burdens to God, laying them at His feet, and then walking away! Invite Him to tackle your fears, after all, He's the giver of peace!)

Several weeks ago, while I was still fundraising for my trip, I was contacted by a friend of mine's sweet parents, Fred and Judy. They generously offered a 2 nights stay at an adorable rental cabin they own in Arkansas for me to auction off as a creative and fun way to help raise funds towards my trip! (Serious side note for a second...I absolutely love how God has used SO MANY people in such unique ways to be a part of the story He is writing in our lives! What a tremendous blessing it is to have people think outside of the box and offer their talents and resources in such generous ways for His purposes! Every single one of you over the past two years of our lives has your name written in RED on our calender! For real, it's the most humbling thing ever to have hundreds of you be a part of spreading the mission of God's love to others!) So.... Here's the really cool thing, once Judy found out that I was fully funded, she emailed me and said that she hoped I would still auction off the cabin and have the proceeds go towards the other Uganda team members who are still raising their support, that she doesn't even know! See now people, this is Jesus' love, and it makes me smile! So that's exactly what I'm doing this week, auctioning off Fred and Judy's beautiful rental cabin, with the highest bidder's winnings being split evenly between my amazing Uganda team members who are still in need of support!  

Here are auction details...

Bidding will be open from Monday, January 2nd, until this Friday, January 6th, at 5pm. To place a bid, simply leave a comment on this post with your bid amount along with your name and email. If you're unable to leave a comment for some reason, you can also email me at hilmhelms@gmail.com leaving the same information and I will add your bid to this post. Minimum bid starts at $50. The highest bidder on Friday at 5pm wins and I'll be in touch with you to get you more details!

Here are the cabin details....

2 nights on any available days between now and March 31st (YES, Valentines Day and Spring Break fall during this time, just sayin'!). During that time it is trout fishing season in Arkansas, and the Little Missouri River has lots of rainbow and brown trout in it. The Diamond Mine in Murfreesboro (less than 10 miles away) is always open and is very popular for people with kids. The town of Murfreesboro, which is 4 miles away, is very small, but it has some very interesting shops and several good restaurants. The cabin is a 4-hour drive from the DFW area, mostly on I30.

Some pointers about the cabin:  It has Directv on flat screen TVs in the living room and in both bedrooms, there are 2 DVD players, the cabin has central heat and air, the kitchen is fully equipped with dishes, silverware, pots and pans, a microwave, a coffee maker, a toaster, a blender, an electric can opener, plus a full refrigerator and a stove with a regular and convection oven. There are 2 bedrooms and 2 bathrooms, one has a shower while the other has a tub with a shower; linens are furnished. The downstairs bedroom has a queen bed while the upstairs bedroom has 2 double beds. There is a queen pull-out sofa in the living room. The only negative that I can think of is you must go outside to go upstairs; there is a grate between the two stories for communicating. We have a gate which may be closed on the front porch to keep kids and pets on the porch when needed. There is a porch swing on the back porch overlooking the river as well as a double hammock, a charcoal grill, and a table and 4 chairs. On the front porch which faces the large front yard (nearly 2 acres) are 4 rocking chairs which we use to watch the deer come to the deer feeder. Be sure to check out the cabin website where availability is listed as well! Click HERE! 

Feel free to spread the word and pass along to anyone you think might be interested! It's a win win, you get a fun little getaway AND you help some pretty amazing folks get to Uganda to love on orphans, teach pastors, and visit imprisoned children!  Thanks in advance for joining the Uganda team in prayer and support!

Oh so busy... photo heavy post! (it's easier to re-cap that way!)

Back in the BEGINNING of November (yes, that's how behind I am at blogging!) our church's orphan care ministry, Abba's Children, hosted it's very first respite event for children within the foster care system! It was a huge success and our prayer is that it blessed the families that we served! Many thanks to all our volunteers and to my co-leaders, Sunny and Rebekah, who poured so much of their time and energy into making this night happen! I would encourage EVERY orphan care ministry to host a night like this as an outreach and service to local foster families!

At the end of November I decided to take the leap of faith and say yes to our church's upcoming trip to Uganda! Since then, I've stood back and watched God do His thing, like He ALWAYS does! In 15 days $2740 towards my goal of $3050 has graciously been taken care of, through the hands and feet of others being used by God!!! I'm still shaking my head in amazement! He is faithful! If you want to be a part of this amazing story God is putting together, and help me reach my $3050 goal, just click on the image above. I would be forever grateful!

The first weekend of December, Abba's Children had it's first annual Christmas social/cookie exchange! I wish I had a picture from the afternoon, but apparently I was too busy socializing! Regardless, a great time was had spent in community with fellow families from our church that have a heart for the least of these! I continue to be amazing at how God is growing this ministry and bringing new families, each with their own story of how God broke their heart for the fatherless and how they want to make a difference in these precious children's lives! I pray that God continues to lead this ministry and bless it in ways I could never imagine! 

In the mix of it all, we've been busy getting stuff done around the house, from yard work (check out my little helper, cutie!)....

To hanging Christmas lights! (Yes, that is Jude on the roof of our house with his daddy! What you can't see in this pictures is the nervous mama behind the camera! I got "cool mom points" that day for letting my boys be boys!)

I also have been busy doing DYI projects inside the house! I managed to replicate a pallet idea I saw on pinterest and made this for our kitchen!

We also made our annual trip to the tree farm to get our Christmas tree! This is a tradition that Joshua and I have done ever since we got married and we're determined to never let die!(Yes, we have talked about what the heck we're going to do when we move to Africa one day and what kind of tree we'll cut down! But it'll happen, rest assured!)

Jude had his very first school performance! It was his Christmas show, and he did great! For an overly shy child, he doesn't seem to mind the stage! He sang ALL the words to the cute songs they sang and did the little hand motions with them and everything! He was thrilled to have my parents come to his school and watch him AND daddy took off of work to be there too! We even got to join him back in his classroom after the show for his Christmas party! 

This past week, I helped host my first school party for Jude's classroom, a Jesus Birthday Party! Call me crazy, but I was all nervous, not knowing exactly what to do (yes, I just said I was nervous to throw a party for a bunch of 4 year old kids! Make fun, go ahead!). Honestly, what it really came down to was not wanting the other mom's to think I did a crap job- which is also ridiculously silly that I care! Clearly I have issues! (o; That being said, I think it turned out pretty cute! I made up some birthday cupcakes with "Happy Birthday Jesus" toppers on them and brought my trusty Jesus Storybook Bible, and read them the "He is Here!" chapter, while they ate their cupcakes and snacks on the floor. The party was complete with the cutest little voices you've ever heard singing Happy Birthday to Jesus and blowing out a candle! Jude and I also made up these cute ornament twig crosses I saw on pinterest for each kid in the class as a gift (and when I say Jude "helped" I mean, he helped pick up the sticks- but I'll take what I can get!) 

Grams and Uncle James just came in for a Christmas visit from Atlanta! We had such a great time soaking in each others company! They arrived with a carload packed to the ceiling of goodies! Uncle James custom built a crib for Isa... and it's AWESOME!!! The boys put it together while James was in town and I'm simply amazed at the time and love that was put into this bed! Photos to come! Uncle James... this was by far the best Christmas gift you could ever give us! Thank you so much! I just know Isa is going to love it!

Jude and Grams spent some quality time together making a gingerbread house.

While they were in town, they got to join us for Joshua's Club 2412's, 2nd annual Battle of the Bands night! It was a huge success and is seriously such fun! $552.74 was raised toward the sponsorship of a sweet boy in Korah, Ethiopia through Project 61! The students have been sponsoring this precious boy for the past 2 years and this summer, Joshua is taking 8 graduating seniors to meet him! More on that later! (o;

We also celebrated Christmas with Grams and Uncle James while they were here and Uncle Jame scored big with his Star Wars spaceship gift to Jude! I'm just not sure what boy likes playing with it more! (o; I'd also like to mention that we are now the proud owners of our very own iPad, thanks to Grams and Larry! What a fun gift that we're so grateful for! Now, while I'm in Uganda, I can Skype with the hubs! We will get much use out of this gift!

Jude was so sad to see them leave last week! He asked me with tears in his eyes, "Why can't our home be their home?!".... I think he assumes since my family lives near by that all family should live nearby- so sweet!

So that about does it! Busy, right?! Even Harley girl is tuckered out these days! (o;