Tuesday, March 20, 2012

I don't know JACK!

Well, it turns out I'm a "processor"... I never knew this about myself, but I've discovered this to be true since returning from Uganda almost three weeks ago. I'm overwhelmed right now just trying to figure out where to begin in writing this post! I'm utterly aware of the fact that there is no way in words I'm going to adequately sum up my experience and all that God has opened my eyes and heart to! This same feeling of, "Where the heck do I begin?!" floods my head when someone nonchalantly asks me, "Oh hey, how was your trip?!"... I want to respond, "Well, you gotta an hour, or two?!"... because there is just no quick way to wrap up this life changing experience... and let's face it, the majority of people are asking for the quick version.  Oh how it makes me grateful for the few who really want to know the stories, who really want to know the names, who really want to take the time, who really want to know the heartbreak and joy that consumes my thoughts each and every day since returning! To those who have listened, I have cherished those meaningful conversations more than I you know, as they truly are what has helped me process through it all! My gratitude runs deep!  Don't get me wrong, I'm grateful for all who have asked, even if only to be polite, it's just that my eyes have seen things and my heart has felt things that have rocked me to my core, so I can't possibly sum up all that is churning inside me in a 20 second response. I only wish everyone could go and see and hear and feel and smell what I've been privileged to, then you'd understand. I'm changed. Uganda changed me. So, instead of putting this pressure on myself to cram all my thoughts into one post, I think I'm gonna ease into this and do several posts as I process through it all. For today, here is what is heavy on my heart...

I walked away from Uganda realizing that I don't know jack! I don't know jack about the cultural gap that exists between us, especially in regards to marriages, parenting, education, and work! I don't know jack about the hurt that comes with the gut wrenching stories that hide behind the sweet faces we met! I don't know jack about solutions to corrupt government policies! I don't know jack about the despair that comes with constant hunger, wondering where your next meal will come from! I don't know jack about any of this because my life is so far removed from these issues! (And for the record, I don't want my life to be so far removed, I want to close in this gap of understanding!) But the truth is, because of our drastically different lifestyles, I found myself completely stripped of anything and everything I thought I had to offer! I had no solutions, I had no wisdom, and I definitely had no grounds for even pretending to understand the difficulties they face each and every day! This left me feeling pretty inadequate, vulnerable, and overwhelmed. This left me exactly where God wanted me, with NOTHING to offer BUT HIS LOVE AND HIS TRUTH! The best part about God's love and His truth is... it trumps all culture! (thank you Mama Bishop for reminding me of that!) So while I don't know jack about a whole heckava lot... there is true freedom found in the realization that God's love fills in the giant gap of my understanding! Sometimes it's the only solid ground there is to stand on! 
1 Corinthians 13:13 "Three things will last forever--faith, hope, and love--and the greatest of these is LOVE."


  1. LOVE this post! I was having this very same thought earlier today; I still have SO MUCH TO LEARN.

  2. I love your post too and can't wait for the "extended" version of the ways this trip changed you. I think it would change anyone and make us realize what's important and how different our lives are. Kudos to you for stepping out of your comfort zone and pursuing this life altering trip. I hope one day to do the same.

  3. LOVED getting to see you last week, sweet friend! I needed some "Hilary time"! I wish we lived closer and could hang out more! Can't wait to read even more about your trip! Love hearing how God confirmed so many things to you on the trip...He is using you so much for His glory! You did just what He asked you to do on the trip...LOVE! Loving Him and loving others...that's what it's all about! :)


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